It's one of those things

. . . . . .

Shock

Dismay

Grief

Stillness

Four
Years
Later.

T'was a summer day
in July

Matthew Paul Stephens took his life.

He slayed the dragon.

Gone for good.
Over the ridge
To never be seen again.

Who would have guessed?

The young ones lose
Their Father

She loses
A friend.

What does it matter?

Now it all matters.
.
.
.
.
.

I Wish I Wasn't So Hungry...

Once upon a time, a European wing-ged creature settled here, first detected in 2009. Not stopped, this little European grape moth causes rot. Big problem here in wine country.

Tonight - beautiful evening, sitting and reading on the porch as the sun settled down, moving aside to make way for the growing moon, almost to its fullest. I walk in-doors, relaxing with a little chemical romance. And here I sit, a little high on my throne, thinking back to another day, another time and another European wing-ged creature.

The one I'm thinking of now is the one who flies across whole continents and oceans in a steel carriage, walks upright. He quickly sweeps beneath and carries you away off your feet.

He was here and then he was gone. Away. Near. Now. Far Away.

One part of me feels as if I never really met him, and the other feels as if we've never been apart.

For the peace and joy of it, I'll take the second part. Part 2. Better than the very first and never at the end. Beginnings come early and often. There's always another chance to begin, and to keep beginning.

A never-ending story.

It's a Perfect World

Thank goodness for the differences in people. I learn so much about my own self by observing how others do the similar job I might be doing, how they talk with others and how we interact. Someone who always has to be first and in charge, is not me. I know I am capable of amazing feats, every day miracles, and knowing that gives me the freedom to just do it, without proclaiming to everyone that I can do it. They just see me do it. They want to praise me. For what? Doing what comes naturally? It wasn't always natural. There were plenty of barriers for me to get through, self-made ones, too. That's another post, I think.

Back to the differences in people. It gives me great pause to go to that zen-like center of myself, take a quiet breath when I'm feeling like yelling, be-little-ing or criticizing. I can't know what is going on is someone else's mind, why they do what they do. I only can learn, and know what I do and what I think.

Life to me is not about perfection, we're all perfect to begin with.

Okay, I will, I will

'They' tell me that if I want to be a writer, then I have to write. Where to start? Do you really care that I'm tired, worn out and don't even feel like writing. But I write anyway because I've made a commitment to myself to do this.

So here I am, sitting with a laptop, not on my lap, but over my thighs, because I'm stretched out here on this twin size bed. It's not even my bed. It is here for me to use while I do my volunteer nurse time at a summer camp. Funny thing, several years ago, I was looking at ways to do summer camp nursing, and never made it happen. Then three years ago, when I wasn't even entertaining the thought any longer, this summer camp proposal comes to me. It was three more years before the whole connection dawned on me. It's fun and I think my friends envy me doing this. Some of them even say, "Oh, that's no nice, I'd like to do something like that." They don't.

Then my son is surprised that I'm going onto our 'social networking' site. I guess since I'm out in the woods, peaceful, quiet, relaxing, he thinks I'm cut off from the rest of the world. Not me. I cut myself off when I choose. Often day after day after day.

My goal really, for this week, is to find some time to swim laps in the pool here, NOT when the pool is full of little wonderful laughing, noisy children. I think I may have found the solution tonight at dinner. 'turns out the lifeguard is the same nice guy whose leg I saved last year after he had several spider bites. They became infected, I sent him to the local hospital. He reminded me of that tonight at dinner and THEN we talked about swimming.

So tomorrow, Tuesday, 5:30 pm, I may just find myself swimming a few laps before dinner. Tune in to find out